The Devil and Mercy Ministries: A Conversation With Chelsea Darhower

Make Mercy Ministries Be Honest

…And this girl had been in the program for maybe a month, a few weeks, I don’t know, not very long. And we knew she had been diagnosed with multiple personalities. […] Well we knew, you know, a psychiatrist is not going to say somebody has multiple demons. But in her case that’s what we were dealing with, demonic powers. — Nancy Alcorn, president and founder of Mercy Ministries

Recovered Memory Therapy, Conversion Therapy, and exorcisms: this mishmash of harmful pseudoscience and archaic religious practice is foisted on the vulnerable young women at Mercy Ministries by their under-educated, inexperienced mental health care-givers. During her stay, former resident Chelsea Darhower experienced first hand the oppression and cult-like atmosphere that has made Mercy Ministries infamous among many of its graduates.

Here is her story:

Beth: …No one at Mercy Ministries has the authority to diagnose – can you confirm that that’s the case? At other clinics the girls and women risk coming out with a diagnosis that haunts them the rest of their lives.

Chelsea: Nobody at Mercy Ministries has the authority to diagnose. The only time a girl would come in contact with a doctor at Mercy Ministries is for three reasons.

1. She goes completely postal and is dropped off at a psychiatric ward.

2. She comes in on psychiatric drugs and she is sent to a psychiatrist. Even then the psychiatrist they would send her to doesn’t diagnose, he just writes scripts.

3. They have a outside family doctor that deals with medical incidences.

In general though, Mercy Ministries is very anti-psychiatry so you will not see them adding any type of diagnosis to anyone. They like to distance girls from the psychiatric world and any type of future help, not give them new diagnoses.

Nancy Alcorn may get jolly over the prospect of having someone who was diagnosed as “DID” in the psychiatry world, but that’s only because she thinks they are possessed by spirits that she has to take authority over. If you say the words “I was diagnosed with DID”, a staff member will get its wings at Mercy Ministries. She thinks your “parts” are evil spirits that infested your soul while you were being abused.


Some evangelicals' view of the mentally ill: See, hear, and speak no evil[A]ny potential for biblical counseling to be compared with the liberationist anti-psychiatry movement of R.D. Laing in Britain or Szasz’s less fruitful attempts in the United States falls flat. Biblical counseling, far from being against social control, is an agent of social control, by which evangelical churches seek to minimize dissent among those members deemed mentally ill or deviant. — John Weaver, The Failure of Evangelical Mental Health Care: Treatments That Harm Women, LGBT Persons and the Mentally Ill


 Beth: So, it sounds like Mercy is more about convincing the clients they were abused? The false memory element more than Dissociative Identity Disorder [DID]?

Chelsea: For me, before I went in there, providers thought that maybe I was abused and I told Mercy Ministries this. And that’s when it started.

Beth: Interesting. The providers – your treatment providers at the time, you mean, prior to Mercy?

mm-admissions-packet-pg5
Mercy is especially interested in knowing if you’ve been diagnosed with DID or believe you’ve suffered Ritual Abuse

Chelsea: I was really hyper-vigilant, but it was because I was constantly tired all the time from my narcolepsy. One doctor [prior to Mercy Ministries] suggested to me that I might have DID and I told [Mercy] this. It used to be a question on the application, so I told them right away. The DID diagnosis happened in between the application to Mercy and arriving there. And my counselor’s face turned white. I asked her if something was wrong and she said “No” and I said “Is that bad”? And she said “No”. And I was still pressing her, because she looked sick to her stomach. And I said “What’s wrong? DID, like Dissociative Identity Disorder?” And she was like “I don’t know what that is”. And I was like “Like multiple personality disorder, just the new term for it”. And she’s like “No, no I’ve never heard of it, let’s get back to what we were doing”. And I was like who has never heard of Multiple Personality Disorder? And then after I left and did all this research on Mercy I learned that Nancy Alcorn’s Ministry had this thing for DID cases.

Our counseling model was called “Restoring the Foundations” and it was started by the Kylstras. Basically they started this training program on how to “help” people with DID “the Pentecostal way”. And Nancy Alcorn was obsessed with this training process, and with training her counselors for this training process. I provided a link to just one of the many places that have been trained by the Restoring the Foundations Model on how to deal with DID clients. This is how bad it is.


Chelsea’s link led to the following website: “Restoration in Christ Ministries – Hearing the Cries of the Sexually and Ritually Abused”

From the website: Secular therapy often fails to adequately resolve the complex spiritual issues involved in the healing process of abuse victims. … as much as 10% of the general population and 20% to 50% of psychiatric in-patients are dissociative to some degree.

From Mercy's original counseling modelIn 2008, amidst a flurry of accusations of financial fraud and abuse of the residents, the two Australia based Mercy homes were shut down. Residents alleged that they had been subjected to exorcisms to rid them of their mental and emotional maladies. In June of that year, Alcorn announced that Mercy Ministries was developing its own counseling model, Choices That Bring Change. From Mercy's current counseling modelAccording to past residents, Choices That Bring Change has far fewer references to casting out demons, but keeps the same key features as Restoring the Foundations. A quick look at some of the printed material for both programs demonstrates that they are, in fact, quite similar, and the basic counseling techniques — particularly those that are known to cultivate false memories and extract false confessions — are unchanged.

Nancy Alcorn and the Mercy Ministries staff shun psychiatry and conventional mental health treatment, attempting to “fix” the residents via supernatural means: salvation, prayer, casting out demons, and being “filled with the spirit”. But they share a common bond with an ever-growing subset of conventional therapists; Ludicrous conspiracy theories endorsed by the ISST-Dnamely, the secular, faux-therapeutic element of Mercy Ministries’ past and present therapy models is drawn directly from the pseudo-scientific quackery of the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISST-D), an organization which actively promotes Illuminati and Satanic Ritual Abuse conspiracy theories and facilitates the continued development and use of modern Recovered Memory techniques.

Setting aside their disdain for the worldly sophistication of secular psychology and psychiatry, Restoration in Christ Ministries’ “What Is DID” page acknowledges charter members and past presidents of the ISST-D as their primary sources of information:

  • James P. Bloch, writer of Assessment and Treatment of Multiple Personality and Dissociative Disorders, in which he writes favorably about hypnosis and its use in treating Multiple Personality Disorder (now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder)
  • Dr. Frank W. Putnam, whose expert witness testimony for the defense of a woman who murdered her non-verbal, non-communicative autistic son can be seen here. This email inquiry to Dr. Putnam touches on just a few of the problems with his testimony: Mercy - Putnam2

Such is the dubious foundation upon which DID and Recovered Memory proponents build their beliefs and professional practices. But whatever meager oversight is given to properly accredited, licensed mental health care facilities, the unlicensed, unaccredited Mercy Ministries has no such standards to meet, and the residents are without recourse.


Beth: Wow. I’m just looking over the main site, but the “ritually abused” in their tag line at the top of the page caught my eye. They quote Colin Ross!

Chelsea: Yeah… the pentecostal DID and false memories are two decades behind the rest of us. I wonder if Colin Ross would even call these people crazy though, the way they do things.

Chelsea: You have Pentecostals and then you have Benny Hinn Pentecostals…

Beth: I grew up in a conservative home, very fundamentalist, but almost the polar opposite of Pentecostals. We sang hymns and were fairly prim and proper during the church service. Pentecostals were like a different breed. My few visits to Pentecostal churches, it all seemed very wacky to me.

Chelsea: Oh it was definitely wacky to me. When I went to Mercy Ministries and people were not acting like they typically did, it freaked me out. I remember at one point one staff member suspected that demons were all around the house, so they took “blessed water” and made crosses above each room with the water. Everyone went around and yelled in tongues. It reminded me more of devil worshiping.

…And the reason for this “cleansing”?

Chelsea: Apparently two girls were caught kissing.

Beth: I know this experience at Mercy was a horrific one for you, but that’s hilarious.

Chelsea: Oh I totally know… I was terrified back then but now I just have to laugh at half of the stuff and realize that if it happened to me today and I was as confident as I am now, I would have been kicked out for making fun. I can’t imagine getting through something like that unless you can find the humor in it. I was totally kicked out because they said I was rebellious and manipulative.

I think what they meant to say was, half the time they told us to do stuff, I stood there and rolled my eyes.

Beth: Well, there’s something else that also made you incompatible with the survivor community — you placed a higher priority on knowing the truth than on being accepted and having that status. That’s a difficult thing for people, especially when that’s their only source of validation and affection. It would be a hard thing to do, pursuing the truth and risking all of those connections and the support.

Chelsea: Yeah that was a really hard time. Especially because Mercy had wrangled in my entire family and friends. “Oh we’re so perfect and if anyone can fix your friend, daughter, sister, it’s us and we are so perfect that in fact if she doesn’t make if through, it means that she had to be the screw up”. So it meant much more than losing Mercy, it meant making all my friends and family mad at me for months. It led to a suicide attempt, a psych stay and eventually years later their affection for Mercy dwindled and I won their love back. Yay happy ending!

Beth: I’m sorry it took years, but yes! So glad there was a happy ending!

Chelsea: I think in most part because some of my family is religious and they equated Mercy to God.

Beth: Yes, my family had its share of difficulties, too. We had to suffer through it because most of the Christian counseling facilities did not have well trained therapeutic counselors back then. They had counselors with theological backgrounds who insisted all problems were spiritual, and told their clients to pray and read the Bible when their tempers were flaring.

Chelsea: Ick, yeah, that was the whole spiel they gave us at Mercy. Girls would go up to staff “I feel like I need to self harm”. “Go pray about it”

Beth: So, really, as you said, a lot like what you experienced at MM. Of course, there are some people who might see some benefit from that. Praying can be meditative, and some people report improvement in mild anxiety and mild depression when they meditate. But then you have everyone else, who gets no benefit from it at all. And the self-harmers, what happens when they keep self-harming?

Chelsea: As far as self harming at Mercy Ministries… They threaten you A LOT. That’s how they keep you in order. They really pin you against your life. Basically you show up to Mercy half dead and you’re begging them to make you alive again. But they will use the fact that you owe them, or that they can kick you out for anything.

Beth: That’s what I suspected; the threat of punishment, isolation… wow. What a place to be stuck in.

Chelsea: If they threaten to kick you out, thoughts of “omg my family will hate me, I’ll probably die from suicide, Mercy ministries says I won’t survive out there without them” circle around in your head until you nearly faint. So you just do what they say. Stop self harming? Fine. Read books when you hate reading? Fine. Don’t sleep when you have narcolepsy? Fine. Until one day you just crack and the next thing you know you are briskly walking away from the establishment in what the staff members refer to as an “escape”.

Beth: So they play on your desperation. It’s a shame it caused so much conflict with your family, but kicking you out was the biggest favor they ever did for you.

Chelsea: I KNOW. I totally and 100% agree.
The graduates that are against Mercy are often stuck in this foggy in-between. Can’t choose. They know Mercy is bad, but they gave them a graduation ring and they still have friends from Mercy. For me, my friends from Mercy cut me off right away. If you get kicked out of Mercy you’re not even allowed to say goodbye to the other girls, let alone speak to them afterward. It’s almost like you’re a leper. You don’t have that other side that doesn’t see the truth about Mercy tugging on your shoulder constantly. They walked away on the same day everybody else did, one fateful day in October in 2008.

Beth: Is there any one particular issue that brings girls to Mercy? As in, is it primarily eating disorders, or self harming, anything in particular?

Chelsea: They like to deal a lot with disorders that tend to make sponsors feel sorry for people. So avoid disorders like “schizophrenia” “bipolar” and hone in more towards disorders like “eating disorders and depression and self harm”. They do ask for past treatment providers info.

Discussing a hypothetical: “What if someone were to go in undercover?”

Chelsea: I guess inevitably I have to ask the question “how strong of a person is the person you have in mind?” I guess that in the long term you would have to be sure that you’re not helping to send someone susceptible into Mercy. Nobody knows Mercy’s dirty side better than I do. If I haven’t experienced it, then I’ve talked one on one with a girl who has. I’ve spent hours with girls talking them into reaching out for help, even though Mercy was supposed to be help.

If someone were to do this you would have to prepare her for whatever she would come across and also put her in contact with others who have experienced this, who may have other things to add. Because in the end we are all susceptible to cults and mind control, no matter how much we like to tell ourselves we are not.

There are certain things she would have to know. For example, they will try and convince her without a doubt that she is not allowed to leave, cannot leave, and if she leaves the property, whatever is her worst fear will come true. But this is not the reality. Mercy is not a court commitment. They don’t take court commitments. In this instance you should think of it as “I went over to a friends house and I can leave whenever I want”. If they physically try to keep you there, it’s called kidnapping. You could, at anytime while you feel unsafe, walk out of those doors, and to a phone or a neighbor. And they can chase after you with their vans, manipulate you with every morsel in their body and you can keep walking. They cannot grab you and put you in the van. That’s also called kidnapping. For me, for example, when I ran away they threatened to kick me out and I said “Good”. Then
they told me [if I left] I would “shut down all of Mercy Ministries”. Which to me was horrible at the time, because I thought they were a good program and I would hurt others. I also was so fearful they would call the cops and have me brought back to Mercy. But if they would have called the cops, they would have gotten themselves in trouble. But I was so off, that I didn’t know who the bad guys were and I assumed it was me.

Words can be much stronger than a physical grasp and trust me, they teach words to the staff at Mercy Ministries. There are a billion other things this girl would need to know and needs to be prepared for.

The fact that she will have limited access to the outside world. No phone calls during the week. Incoming phone calls Saturday and two outgoing phone calls on Sunday and at anytime they can just block somebody from calling “just because”. And that Staff do and can listen in on conversations. No access to news/newspapers/radios/regular music (Christian music only). The assignments she’ll be doing, the toilets she’ll be scrubbing, the fact that she will in fact have to act happy when you are in fact angry with how the whole program pans out. She will have to pretend talk in tongues, pretend praise and worship (hands in the air). At some point she’ll have to do alter calls. She may even be encouraged to be water baptized again, because even if she says she was baptized as a child, it may not count to them.

She will need to learn the most crazy boundaries ever. No hugs, no touching people ever, even permission is needed to do others’ make up and hair, changing in small stalls in the bathroom. Possible separation contracts (actual written out contracts that prevents you from coming within 5 feet of another person) if they feel she is getting too close to another girl for any reason whatsoever and totally out of the blue. All of this is to prevent lesbianism.

She would have to learn not to trust anyone, because everyone is just scanning everyone else, waiting for someone to mess up so they can go tattle on them and score more brownie points. She would have to resist all their “Herbal remedies” they push on everyone. If she can’t sleep, she better keep it to herself, because otherwise she’s getting melatonin shoved down her throat. She’d have to deal with the stringent exercise and diet routine. An hour everyday at the YMCA plus totally organic foods. And she’d have to try and not puke at all the legitimate places that support Mercy Ministries after what she sees go on inside those doors. (Chik Fil A, YMCA, Honda, etc)

It would take her awhile to learn about Mercy. Mercy Ministries is not Castlewood. Castlewood has at least some standards they have to live up to. Mercy Ministries is the Wild Wild West and Castlewood is Boston.

Beth: Right, Castlewood has standards because they are a licensed mental healthcare facility, whereas Mercy Ministries is listed as a charity and is not even licensed to practice. They keep flying under the radar.

Chelsea: Mercy Ministries is a free program and their wealthy donors donate their money expecting to help women with mental illnesses. Unfortunately Mercy’s donors have the wool pulled over their eyes that they are in fact not helping any women with mental illnesses, but some day, some how the truth will come out.

Please click here to help hold Mercy Ministries accountable.

The Greenbaum Speech by Dr. Corydon Hammond

Prelinger 03 Preface: The Greenbaum Emails

At 03:06 PM 6/25/2013 From: Douglas Mesner

Subject: clarification

Dear Dr. Hammond — You may be familiar with some pieces I’ve written in which I am highly skeptical of claims of Satanic Abuse. It has been indicated to me that you yourself have come a long way to recognizing that errors of method may have led to conclusions stated in your Greenbaum Speech. If so, I think it could be very helpful if you were willing to elaborate on this, either in conversation, or by email, to clarify your position now. I think people are actively harmed by the false perception of an omnipresent evil, and I think you could possibly greatly help their situation. Please let me know if you might be willing to speak to me by phone, or address this topic via email for me to post online. Respectfully, Doug


Quoting “D. Corydon Hammond” <D.C.Hammond@utah.edu>:

This is an area in which I have not worked or consulted for 20 years.  No further comment. Continue reading

Where the Witch-hunters are: Satanic Panic and mental health malpractice

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This piece was written in collaboration with Sarah Ponto Rivera

 

 

Where the Witch-hunters are: Satanic Panic and Mental Health Malpractice

By Douglas Mesner and Sarah Ponto Rivera

 

“I have met many demons, devils, evil characters, representatives of Satan, and Satan himself in my MPD [Multiple Personality Disorder] work.”

– Colin Ross, MD, 1994

Past President, International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD)

“I remain troubled about the matter of transgenerational satanic cults.”

– Richard Kluft, MD, 2014 Past President, ISSTD

It is with an ironic sense of disdain that we can now look back upon the day-care sex-abuse hysteria of the 80s and 90s, with its imaginary conspiracy of pedophilic Satanic cult activity, and remark that one of its primary instigators was a devout Catholic. A foundational text for the “Satanic Panic”, as it came to be called, was co-authored by the pious psychiatrist Lawrence Pazder who, with his client-turned-wife, Michelle Smith, wrote of Smith’s alleged early ritual abuse at the hands of a secret Devil-worshipping society. Michelle Remembers (1980), billed as a true story and humored as such within the talk-show circuit of the time, was a ludicrous supernatural horror story in which both Christ and Satan made dramatic guest appearances. The senseless, confabulatory ramblings upon which the “facts” of the book were constructed, were gleaned from hypnotic regression sessions, in which Pazder claimed Smith had recalled horrific events that had previously been “repressed” deep within her unconscious mind. more

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 5 of 5

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

Karen Wallace, Australia

 

When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters) and what do you think caused them?

I never displayed or demonstrated any sort of alternate personalities until I saw my psychologist and even then it took me a month or so before I was convinced enough to play any sort of role (or let my inner child be revealed). Growing up in an over-protecting household I was emotionally underdeveloped compared to my peers and I think this was an integral contributing factor in allowing myself to become another person in front of my psychologist. The cause of my alters is simply due to the psychologist’s method of treatment and her ability to encourage and persuade me to take on their roles.

 

How many alters did you have?

I was often shocked at my psychologist’s interpretation of this. She explained my alters like a family tree with alters having numerous roles. I know for certain that I sketched and recorded over four hundred different aged personalities however my psychologist seemed to believe that some of them were the same alter at different stages of entrapment in the repressed memories and that I had produced more alters through therapy due to my resistance to it.

 

I’ve heard people with MPD/DID say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you? If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

I never experienced a “blackout”  before therapy and simply could not recall important dates from my childhood. My psychologist explained this as being caused by my personalities living life without me knowing and this is why I could not recall important information about my infancy and childhood (such as my fourth birthday party etc); my alters had obviously lived the experience and the memories that were made during that time they controlled my body were individually kept by them. I taught myself how to “blackout” during therapy. I have always had a tendency to be hypnotised very quickly, even during some children’s movies as I was growing up. During therapy I did not want to believe in the abuse I was “remembering” and desperately wanted to escape from accepting what was happening to me. Each week I would train myself to not be able to feel my body, I would take pins and thumbtacks in my pockets and hurt myself causing a dizziness to come over my whole body and slowly I would be able to make myself become emotionless and unable to feel my body. During my time in therapy I taught myself to hyperventilate silently and hold my breath for longer periods of time until the dizziness would take complete control of my body. Since I have stopped therapy I cannot do these things, I am incapable of shutting out physical pain and I am completely aware of everything around me. I never had any memory loss even in my times of “zoning out”.  I was aware at the time of everything in the room, and all that my psychologist was suggesting or encouraging me to participate in, I trained my body to be in a state of numbness during my sessions and also at home when I used self harm to achieve the same feeling in order to block out the intensity of the emotional pain.

 

Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities? If so why do you think they believed you?

I was encouraged to cut off all communication with the real world, including any social networks that were not sympathetic to my psychologist’s beliefs. At the suggestion of my psychologist I was isolated with only four people that held the same beliefs as my psychologist who encouraged them to find my personalities and build relationships with my alters. They believed whole-heartedly in my different personalities. I would change the types of clothes I wore depending on my mood swings (such as wearing all black and looking quite the ‘gothic’ type during the so-called Satanic holidays/seasons and wearing dainty white/floral outfits for church-type events). After being convinced that I had personalities I allowed myself to often dress like a child, or teen depending on what personality my psychologist wanted to deal with that week. My rage and aggravation towards the therapy, the memories and abusers was often in direct conflict of my normal quiet/controlled/ generous nature and this was also a contributing factor in the people around me believing that I had different personalities. Each horrific memory would bring a variety of emotions that I was incapable of facing and dealing with and I would become severely depressed which was interpreted as a different alter, or I would find myself enraged which was interpreted as a different alter, or I would make myself become numb and void of feeling anything…and yes, it was interpreted as a different personality. I think they honestly believed me because I was nothing like the teenager they had known previously and my moods and emotions were heightened to the point of being incontrollable.

 

Would you say you were acting? Did it feel like you were acting?

I would say that I allowed myself to feel such horrific emotions on an unlimited level that it was easy to adapt my personality to deal with the trauma I was enforced to accept. I became so enraged at my parents that it was easy to allow myself to play the role of the abused child, I became so depressed and desiring death that it was easy to play the role of the child that was loyal to Satan. Yes, I was acting however I feel that the exasperation of the emotions that I was forced to experience provided a strong platform for me to be able to express myself, particularly with a sympathetic therapist. If I allowed myself to play the role of the abused child during therapy my psychologist would hold me tenderly and caress my head and shoulders. If I did not play the role that was required, I received hostility and resentment. This definitely helped me to act the role that was required of me. Yes, it always felt like I was acting, and I consistently stated that I was acting a role to my therapist; this was always interpreted as denial which my therapist had certain ways in dealing with this (financially, it was beneficial to play the role as quickly as possible and my therapist’s time management issues also had a deep effect).

 

If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

I honestly would not have listened. There were many educated people around me at that time attempting to open my eyes to what was happening to me. Close family members and friends had tried to explain how false memories could be implanted by incompetent therapists, and that I had no basis or evidence for any of the things that I was being convinced of, yet I remained loyal to my psychologist. I was in such a vulnerable state of mind at that time and my psychologist offered me a future where I was valued and possessed a type of rare gift that no other human around me could compare to. Having Dissociative Identity Disorder gave me a sense of privilege that I had never had before and I wore that status like a badge of honour. Often during the sessions I would be riddled with guilt at knowing that I was going along with the whole process and that all of it was false, but also knowing that I could not stop or cease to play along with all of the roles as the financial investment had been so incredibly high and the emotional impact I had created in cutting off my family was so traumatic that going back was not even an option. Nothing I could have said to myself back then would have changed the intensity of the situation.

 

What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

It has taken almost four years to re-train myself to stop waiting for a personality to suddenly be revealed.  Once the relationship with my psychologist deteriorated, I started to realise that I did not have to act or play a role for anyone, including those people who continued to believe that I had DID. Fear kept me believing that I had these personalities: my therapist was persistent in reassuring me that I would need to have all of my personalities integrated to be free, to be normal, to live as a functional human being. For years I was terrified that there might have been some deeply traumatised child alters trapped in memories and that I would always be a dysfunctional woman with the possibility of an alter suddenly creating chaos at any random moment if these alters decided to appear. Self analysis of my own behaviours and thoughts was the catalyst in helping me find that certainty that I had never had any personalities. I became friends with a new social circle of educated people who could explain in detail the processes that I had become entrapped in with my therapist and since then, I have no fear. I never genuinely believed I had personalities nor did I suddenly stop believing. The fear that I could be mentally unwell and that there was a possibility that my psychologist was correct kept me from simply admitting the truth.

 

Are multiple personalities real?

I have witnessed other women and men who are diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder and observed the “switching” of their personalities. I have also talked to their different personalities and there is no evidence that they are experiencing anything different from what I have personally experienced. Knowing how easy it is to find the right evidence and convince someone that they do have alters I would find it impossible to believe that it is real. As a deeply creative person, I sketched and scribbled in different handwriting on purpose, changed my appearance and interests on purpose and sketched my different alleged personalities with the sole purpose of trying to convince myself that what my psychologist was encouraging was real. It was never real, not for a moment. I do not believe multiple personalities are real, particularly after spending five years enacting them out and supporting their fake identities with creative approaches. The men and women I have seen with this type of disorder generally have been exposed to the same type of therapy with similar social networks who are sympathetic to the belief that multiple personalities are real. I have never seen any evidence that a person can have one identity that does not know the other identities within their being and have experienced this firsthand. During my five years of therapy I was constantly aware of myself, my feelings, values and beliefs as well as my surroundings and could never realistically agree with having personalities that I had no knowledge of, take control of my body and engage in activities that I could not recall later. This entire ideology was suggested to me by my therapist and supported with stories and theory that my therapist shared in weekly sessions to perpetuate the belief that this is indeed scientifically possible.

 


 

A note from the blogger, Orphia Nay

Why didn’t I include answers from anyone who currently believes multiple personalities are real?

It would be promoting a sense of false balance by including believers’ answers.  The science is not divided on the issue.

These people here have lived and breathed multiple personalities, and understood the reasons for and against alters to the depth of their beings, rationally concluding they are not real.  They have seen both sides of the argument to the fullest extent.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 4 of 5

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

Kim (a pseudonym), USA

 

 When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

I feel like I started to dissociate after I left a cult that I was in.  I just would stare off into the distance for long points of time, and I felt like I didn’t know who I was. This is actually a common phenomenon in cults and is caused by something called pseudo identities. Where the cult will separate your core identity from the person you are supposed to be in the cult. It’s how cults are able to make people do things they normally wouldn’t do. (example, the Manson crew killing 7 people, or Jim Jones cult drinking laced Kool Aid).  I guess that’s how dissociation started. When it got really bad  I entered a top notch dissociative unit in the US. I went there, because I was dissociating so much. They are the ones who created the Alters. I think what caused them was the same thing that caused the first one, it was like brainwashing. They convinced me and I didn’t easily believe it, that it was true. I told them multiple times, repeating it over and over again “Dissociative Identity Disorder does not exist and I do not have it”. But you have to understand that I was one mind, one measly patient, against dozens of professionals who claimed otherwise. And I was stuck on that unit for 5 weeks. Day in and day out I was fed the same stuff. And it wasn’t just the top notch psychiatrists, the residents, the nurses, the therapists and socials workers and art therapists and music therapists telling me this was a real disorder, there were thirty patients around me all playing the game and so at some point I broke down and in order to keep my sanity we took my denial and gave it it’s own Alter. I called it the denial alter, the one who never believed, it lived in order for me to escape this horrible abuse whenever I needed to. And when I did that, there was no escaping, anytime I thought “this just isn’t true”. I would follow it up with “says the denial alter”. I felt like that denial alter was my one and only identity, and when I put it aside like that I opened my mind up to be fractured.

 

 How many alters did you have?

16

 

 

 I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

I did and I didn’t. I’m not sure that I can explain this well.  I was probably suffering from PTSD, from the cult and from the dissociative unit, and from all the horrible memories bombarding my head constantly and the fact that I had been in so many psychiatric wards, had been put in so many seclusion rooms, tied to so many beds, given so many chemical restraints, etc. I dissociated a lot.  My memory was like swiss cheese constantly.  My memory may have also had issues, because of all the medications they were pumping into my system. I never, not ever lost “days at a time”. They were aware that I didn’t. I didn’t go to bed and wake up in the grocery store. There were times I would get on the highway and come to 4 miles down the road, having missed my exit. There have always been questions about whether I have temporal lobe seizures, but EEGs won’t confirm them. I stay on anti seizure medications and I don’t have them. So we think it’s pretty clear what’s happening. But these instances were always used against me to prove that I did in fact have DID.

 

Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

My friends and family really didn’t know that I had DID. I was pretty embarrassed about the diagnosis, so I kept it to myself.

 

 

 Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

This is tough for me to answer now looking back. In many ways they would ask me to play the part. I would start to dissociate per usual which often led to them asking questions like “who am I talking to”? It was hard because I was sitting there trying not to dissociate and at the same time trying to delay the questionings being fired at me to which I had no answer to give them. Which at the time I didn’t know it, but by delaying my answering, it made it worse. By delaying my answering I would be fired at more, with more questioning “Who are you?” “Can you tell me your name?” “Why are you here?” “Were you sent to help Kim?”

It sounds like something out of a cheesy horror film about aliens.  It becomes terrifying to hear those lines of questioning. I would never give my therapist(s) names of my alters. I never felt like I was being honest if I did that. If what they said was true then they would have to hand me the names themselves from another alter they claimed existed, that told them, because I wasn’t making them up.

Like I said previously I felt that I had set my own identity aside when I made the denial alter up. I think it’s possible to fracture your mind, just not have multiple personalities. Not entire personalities. I think brainwashing can do this. I think hypnosis can do this.  It’s a total lack of identity and will create the worst insanity imaginable, you are at the Mercy of your doctors and therapists and they keep feeding you lies.

 

 

 If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

Doctors aren’t always right. Even doctors with prestige.

 

 

 What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

I found it as truth for myself. I had to look inside myself and really understand that none of this could be true and then stop listening to doctors. I came to realize that I knew myself better than they did, even if they claimed otherwise.
 

Are multiple personalities real?

No.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 3 of 5

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

Sonja Karels, Netherlands

 

 

 When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

 

My GP started to treat me [for a nervous breakdown], but after a while he referred me to a Christian psychologist. A young man, just from school and we just couldn’t stand each other. He was trying to put all the blame on my parents and I insisted I needed to get my own life in order, without blaming others. Back then he already believed my father did abuse me. (I found that out during an intake in a Christian center for abused women). We had a fight on the phone and I left.

 

Years later, I was married, with 2 small children I became depressed and anxious again, I also suffered from anorexia nervosa again… and I went to a conference to ‘receive’ healing from God. I really wanted to get better, to serve God better. And then I saw this psychologist and I thought I had to apologize to him, because otherwise God could not bless me (I don’t believe that anymore, but back then I was theologically challenged and superstitious).

 

I apologized and he accepted my apologies and followed me everyday during that conference. After every meeting he wanted to pray with me, to ask God what was wrong with me. I felt cared for and loved and special. It was a very special treatment. And then on the 5th day I heard myself talk with a small childish voice and tell him that daddy did something when I was 3 months.

 

He should have said, “No, you can not possibly remember that”, but he was happy, finally the truth showed up. I was confused. Is that really true. He said,  “Did you make it up?” No, it just happened I had no control.

He said “We prayed, and God does not give stones when you ask for bread.” So I felt I had to believe it.

 

He told me he could help me and I started therapy with him. Twice a week, 3 hours per session; I had to pay for it myself. After a few weeks I couldn’t remember anything that happened in therapy. We taped the sessions and I had to listen to them during the week and write them down, word by word. DID was never mentioned; I found out months later what my diagnosis was. I was unaware of alters and lost a lot of time.

 

 

 How many alters did you have?

 

At first 25, but they kept coming. The 25 remained, they were the strongest. But later we ‘discovered’ circles within circles and there would be 7×7 circles of witches behind every strong alter and a lot of others. The end count was more than 1000. But 42-45 with names.

 

 I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

 

Yes, a lot. Sometimes even for weeks and once 3 months. But most of the time it was just a few minutes or an hour. One cause is medication. I was heavily medicated. The other is – I think – stress and preoccupation with the false memories, like daydreaming about bad stuff. Sometimes I couldn’t remember being to the therapist. I would ‘wake’ up in my car not knowing if I’d been to therapy.  The 3 months, I’m not sure I really lost 3 months. It felt like that, is it summer already? Yesterday it was February. I have no explanation for that.

 

 

 Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

 

Yes, they did. My husband would recognize the alters and speak with them. Some friends did too. My children could call forward the ‘fun’ alters and embarrass me. I remember rolling over the floor in church with a bunch of children. Something I would never do. But they called a boy alter. I have been told I looked different, spoke differently, wore different clothes.

 

 

 Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

 

No, I wasn’t acting. I wish I was, because then I could have stopped doing it. I’ve been confused by all of this for 9 years. Sometimes it did feel like acting, especially in therapy. Like I was a puppet on a string, acting, but involuntary.

 

 

 If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

 

It is not true, you are not abused. Stop believing that nonsense. Make a list, make a timeline. (And if I just could say one word, it would be TIMELINE).

 

 

 What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

 

In 2002 I was fed up with all the medication and I decided to taper off. The psychiatrist warned me against it, but I wanted to have a clear head. It took me one year. I had help from an online group. It was a long and slow process, but after 9 months I felt better. During that time I didn’t have therapy and I broke off all contact with other ‘survivors’.  Suddenly I realized I didn’t lose time, I didn’t hear alters talking, something had changed. I told my husband to call me by my real name and nothing else. Doesn’t matter if he thought he saw an alter, just my real name. It was a miracle and I loved it. But then I got depressed again and I remembered reading about integration that you need to get help to live as an integrated person. So I found another therapist. During the intake, 15 minutes in, he had a very angry alter talking and that brought me back in the multiple world.

 

I started doubting again, couldn’t sleep, refused to take sleeping pills. Then I decided to make a list. A timeline. Stuff I knew that happened. First time to school at age 4; Little brother at age 5; Graduation at age 18. And another list with the new found memories. First baby at age 13; first rape at 3 months, etc. And full term twins born at age 18.

 

And then it hit me… graduation and full term twins? During that year I became a Christian and made a lot new friends, we would sport together, go to the beach together, have fun. We were also serious together, We did Bible study and talked a lot. Those people were between the ages 15-25. And no one saw my pregnancy? So that memory couldn’t be true, but that was one of the most painful memories. I had more pain than delivering my 2 real children (without drugs). And if that wasn’t true, how could the rest be true? And once I realized everything was false, I stopped believing I had multiple personalities. They told the stories, the stories weren’t true, so they weren’t true either. It was one big deceiving fictional mess.

 

 

 Are multiple personalities real?

 

No! I’ve met too many people like myself. They claim to be multiple, they believe they are multiple, but when they are honest they all say they have doubts. I believe it is learned behavior. You act different and the therapist asks what your name is. You learn quickly to just give a name. And then you have an alter. This sounds like making up a name, but it doesn’t work that way. At least not with me. When the therapist asked a name, some name popped up in my head and that had to be it.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 2 of 5

Mark Miller
Mark Miller

Roma Hart, Canada

 

 When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

October 1986 at the end of my first appointment with Dr. Colin Ross. I had gone to a university student guidance counsellor Lynn Ryan to get a form fill out for an extension to my unemployment insurance at the suggestion of my friend, but the form required a doctor and this guidance counsellor, who was also a student of Dr.Colin Ross, was sure that he would fill out the form for me. Although the unemployment was based upon a foot injury it just seemed easier to get an extension based on stress, I was certainly under stress, and when the student counsellor asked me what I did when I was under stress and I answered “I just switch to auto pilot” she immediately diagnosed that as another personality and became excited at the possibility of working with her idol and professor Colin Ross who held claim to being the only MPD expert in Western Canada at that time. I just needed the form filled out, I didn’t believe in multiple personality disorder and had read in a Psychology Today magazine several years earlier that it was junk science, no such thing existed. Nevertheless there Lynn and I were a few days later, in Ross’ office in the St. Boniface Hospital psych. building. At the end of the first appointment Ross asked me if he could speak to one of my personalities and I felt pressured to produce one for him. The student counsellor was sitting right beside me and I knew that I had a tendency to cry very easily when I has PMS, and that when I had PMS I hated being touched because my skin felt like it was on fire, an estrogen overload kind of effect. Well I just happened to have pretty bad PMS that day so I told the counsellor to touch me and I would switch to another personality. She did, worse than just a touch she started rubbing my back and I could not help myself from cringing and crying to get the hell away from her because she wouldn’t stop rubbing my back. Dr.Colin Ross was very pleased indeed for the apparent personality switch and I just nodded yes to every question he asked, I just wanted to get out of his office as soon as possible. I was terrified of going to a psychiatrist’s office and terrified of drugs but the student counsellor had assured me before going to that appointment that MPD was the only diagnosis that never required hospitalization and never required drugs, so I believed that if I were to get out of Ross’ office then I needed that diagnosis and no other. Furthermore I needed that damn form filled out because I needed the money, I had no intention of ever coming back for another appointment.  Well Ross filled out the form and shook my hand welcoming me to MPD therapy at the end of that first appointment.
 

How many alters did you have? 

I had 48 alter personalities, Ross said I had more but I was too bored to look for more and the MPD therapy was making me very sick.
 

I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

My so-called blackouts were nothing more than ordinary moments of distraction and day dreaming, for example missing my stop on the bus because I was looking out the window thinking about something. My periods of memory loss were nothing more than normal forgetting because something happened a long time ago. However, all supposed blackouts and supposed memory loss were rewarded by Ross and the other MPD support group members, it supported the cult like environment of the believers in MPD.

 

 Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

Not my family, but I had one friend who wanted to be included in my MPD treatment program and seemed to love the drama.

 

 Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

In the very beginning I felt like an actor, but by the second appointment I was completely sucked into the game. By the third appointment Ross had me convinced I was not only sexually abused by my whole family throughout my entire childhood but was also part of a murderous satanic cult. By the fourth visit he had me believe that I had an alien baby. The following month I attempted suicide. The following month, after standing in the hallway by the nurses station in the St. Boniface Hospital psych. building and yelling that “ it was all a lie and that nothing was true”, Dr. Colin Ross had me committed, forcibly injected with high levels of drugs, put in a seclusion room , and had one of his nurses sit beside me on the floor saying to me over and over again that it was all true. Well I never did that again, learned my lesson.
 

If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

At the first step toward the St. Boniface Hospital I would have screamed at myself to stop and run in the opposite direction as fast and as far as I could. When I had decided to just go to Ross’ office and pretend I had MPD to get the form filled out I thought that nothing could go wrong, I wasn’t crazy, all I had to do was sit there and talk to him for an hour, no harm could ever come from that, in a few weeks I could just go back to work. Boy was I wrong! What would I say to myself back then? Lots could go wrong! So much could go very wrong very quickly, oh my goodness turn around and never go in there and never ever speak to or listen to Dr. Colin Ross or his whacko student ever again!!

 

 What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

I would watch the television show Sesame Street as a way to be kind to my child personality. There was one episode where Kermit the Frog and Grover were demonstrating emotions. Kermit would say this is what sad looks like, this is what angry looks like, this is what happy looks like, and then Grover would demonstrate what that feeling made him look like. Well, Hell! It was a light bulb moment for me. I remembered that before I met Ross I never had to switch personalities when I felt different emotions. Grover didn’t have to say he was a different name or a different person just because he was feeling a different emotion, he was still Grover all the time! That’s what I was like before MPD therapy! Geeeez! I was sick of MPD therapy and I was so sick of Ross not listening to me and always telling me to switch personalities. Then I remembered something I had learned as a student when I was in the university Faculty of Education, it was about “unlearning”. So I decided that if I had learned how to be MPD then I could unlearn it too. So that’s what I did, I unlearned it by stopping it.

 

 Are multiple personalities real?

They’re only real if you believe in them. But they’re caused by bad therapy and bad therapists using junk science for personal investments of one kind or another. If you can manage to get away from those cult like influences and dust off your critical thinking skills then you’ll see that MPD is not a real thing and the personalities are not real thing either.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 1 of 5

I asked 5 people who have had MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) / DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) a series of questions about having multiple personalities.  Here are their answers.

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

 

Jeanette Bartha, USA

 

When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

I started to exhibit alters about 3-4 weeks after beginning treatment with an MPD expert. What caused them was having 100% insurance coverage, being sequestered on the ward, not seeing friends or family, a poor diet, no exercise, high doses of narcotics and a delusional doctor.

 

I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

No blackouts unless you count being given too many narcotics.

 

Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

They never knew about the details of my treatment.

 

Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

No, I wouldn’t say I was acting. I was living up to his expectations and believed the alters were real – after a while and many truth serum interviews. I was assured by the doctor that I was not acting, lying, or mis-remembering.

 

If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

Run! You’re much worse than you were at admission. Get out of here.

 

What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

It was an ah-ha moment. I had been jogging and my head cleared.

 

Are multiple personalities real?

Only in the minds of some psychiatrists and film-makers.

 

 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5  

The Disasterous Public Parade Of Fraudulent “Survivors”

shame_on_you_copy

Supposed sex-slavery survivor resigns from her own foundation after her fraudulent life history-victim narrative is exposed:

“Somaly Mam, the world-famous Cambodian campaigner against sex trafficking, one of Time’s 100 Most Influential People in the World, has stepped down from her eponymous foundation in the wake of charges that she fabricated her harrowing autobiography of having been sold into sex slavery as a child. According to an exposé in Newsweek, Mam had a normal childhood and adolescence and is remembered by neighbors as “a happy, pretty girl with pigtails.” Not only did Mam apparently invent her past, she allegedly coached others in her organization, AFESIP, to tell similarly lurid false tales. Long Pross, who has just stepped down as a spokeswoman for the Somaly Mam Foundation, claimed a pimp gouged out her eye; actually, her eye was removed in surgery for a tumor when she was 13. She was never in a brothel. Meas Rotha says Mam auditioned girls for public appearances and told her she had to lie to help other women”. (Katha Pollit, The Nation, June 4, 2014) – sex trafficking, lies and scandal

DISASTER!

It was 1985, and I was watching the amusing spectacle of fraudulent evangelical ex-satanist testimonialists –  who had escaped from the pages of Jack Chick tracts or the auditoriums of Pentacostal Churches and were making colossal fools of themselves parading their ignorance and fantasies on mainstream network television.  There was the “ex-satanist” who never was a satanist – Christian comedian Mike Warnke – blatantly making up “the secret meaning” of various occult paraphanalia, (“oh yes, the RED robes…these would be for your SEXUAL workings…”),  for example.

Less funny, were the equally uninformed and deluded police officers on this 20/20 program; Sandy Gallant and Dale Griffiths. Their ignorance of the subject matter was somewhat disturbing, considering their power over the lives of others as law enforcement agents. But not really surprising, considering that their “expert” sources were; fraudulent “former satanic cultists” whose expertise consisted of nothing more than medieval folklore, pop culture storylines and urban legends – such as Mike Warnke and Joan Christiansen, religious bigots peddling satanic conspiracy theories – such as Bob Larson, Tony Alamo and John Todd, and teenage dabblers making up a Heavy Metal fandom “satanism” out of their own imaginations.

Then there were these little children on the program, apparently stating they had been forced into participation in human sacrifice rituals with infant victims. (There were passing references to sexual abuse victimization as well, but the children were not shown making such allegations themselves). It was obvious that these kids were relating fantasies, but it was also clear that the children had not made up these stories themselves, that they were not the real ‘authors’ of these fantasies. This was demonstrated when a five-point “satanic crime indicators” list was repeatedly referred to later in the program.  Adults in the program including the host, police detective Sandy Gallant and the children’s relatives/caregivers repeatedly blamed the children for the falsehoods enumerated in this indicators list, claiming “this is what the children have been telling us”.  Some people however, such as Neo-pagan anti-defamation activists who had been monitoring the Fundamentalist-Evangelical “anti-occult” war on popular culture, would recognise this satanic crime indicators list as a compilation of urban legends that had been created and circulated by adult members of Fundamentalist-Evangelical organizations long before any child was alleged to have “disclosed” it. Here it is;

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Abu Hamza Trial Begins – Al Qaeda Operatives Used SRA Lies To Incite Hatred

“The federal trial of Abu Hamza al-Masri, a radical Islamic cleric accused of conspiring to kidnap Americans in Yemen and planning to establish a jihad training camp in rural Oregon, began in New York with opening statements on Thursday”.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/17/justice/new-york-terror-trial/index.html?hpt=ju_c2

Abu Hamza’s right-hand man, bodyguard and fellow propagandist of hatred & violence was a man named Abu Abdullah, aka Attila Ahmet.
For many years, on a daily basis, Abu Abdullah preached hatred of America and Americans, as well as hatred of all non-muslims everywhere on the planet. Abdullah openly advocated violence and encouraged Muslims in his audience to commit atrocities, calling such acts a “religious duty”. He was convicted in the UK on three counts of inciting/soliciting murder.

There are several videos which captured Abu Abdullah inciting hatred and violence in public, but I’m particularly interested in a video by Davebones titled “Preachers of hate”. In the first three minutes of the video, you get to see and hear Abu Abdullah using the Satanic Ritual Abuse related lie about “occult groups” sacrificing little children at Bohemian Grove, to incite hatred and murderous violence amongst his followers…

Get the full story here:

http://www.dysgenics.com/2012/10/07/lies-can-kill/

Satanic Ritual Abuse claimants falsely claiming to have participated in child sacrifice at Bohemian Grove include convicted child molestor Paul Bonacci and apologist for convicted child abusers David Shurter.