Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 5 of 5

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

Karen Wallace, Australia

 

When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters) and what do you think caused them?

I never displayed or demonstrated any sort of alternate personalities until I saw my psychologist and even then it took me a month or so before I was convinced enough to play any sort of role (or let my inner child be revealed). Growing up in an over-protecting household I was emotionally underdeveloped compared to my peers and I think this was an integral contributing factor in allowing myself to become another person in front of my psychologist. The cause of my alters is simply due to the psychologist’s method of treatment and her ability to encourage and persuade me to take on their roles.

 

How many alters did you have?

I was often shocked at my psychologist’s interpretation of this. She explained my alters like a family tree with alters having numerous roles. I know for certain that I sketched and recorded over four hundred different aged personalities however my psychologist seemed to believe that some of them were the same alter at different stages of entrapment in the repressed memories and that I had produced more alters through therapy due to my resistance to it.

 

I’ve heard people with MPD/DID say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you? If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

I never experienced a “blackout”  before therapy and simply could not recall important dates from my childhood. My psychologist explained this as being caused by my personalities living life without me knowing and this is why I could not recall important information about my infancy and childhood (such as my fourth birthday party etc); my alters had obviously lived the experience and the memories that were made during that time they controlled my body were individually kept by them. I taught myself how to “blackout” during therapy. I have always had a tendency to be hypnotised very quickly, even during some children’s movies as I was growing up. During therapy I did not want to believe in the abuse I was “remembering” and desperately wanted to escape from accepting what was happening to me. Each week I would train myself to not be able to feel my body, I would take pins and thumbtacks in my pockets and hurt myself causing a dizziness to come over my whole body and slowly I would be able to make myself become emotionless and unable to feel my body. During my time in therapy I taught myself to hyperventilate silently and hold my breath for longer periods of time until the dizziness would take complete control of my body. Since I have stopped therapy I cannot do these things, I am incapable of shutting out physical pain and I am completely aware of everything around me. I never had any memory loss even in my times of “zoning out”.  I was aware at the time of everything in the room, and all that my psychologist was suggesting or encouraging me to participate in, I trained my body to be in a state of numbness during my sessions and also at home when I used self harm to achieve the same feeling in order to block out the intensity of the emotional pain.

 

Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities? If so why do you think they believed you?

I was encouraged to cut off all communication with the real world, including any social networks that were not sympathetic to my psychologist’s beliefs. At the suggestion of my psychologist I was isolated with only four people that held the same beliefs as my psychologist who encouraged them to find my personalities and build relationships with my alters. They believed whole-heartedly in my different personalities. I would change the types of clothes I wore depending on my mood swings (such as wearing all black and looking quite the ‘gothic’ type during the so-called Satanic holidays/seasons and wearing dainty white/floral outfits for church-type events). After being convinced that I had personalities I allowed myself to often dress like a child, or teen depending on what personality my psychologist wanted to deal with that week. My rage and aggravation towards the therapy, the memories and abusers was often in direct conflict of my normal quiet/controlled/ generous nature and this was also a contributing factor in the people around me believing that I had different personalities. Each horrific memory would bring a variety of emotions that I was incapable of facing and dealing with and I would become severely depressed which was interpreted as a different alter, or I would find myself enraged which was interpreted as a different alter, or I would make myself become numb and void of feeling anything…and yes, it was interpreted as a different personality. I think they honestly believed me because I was nothing like the teenager they had known previously and my moods and emotions were heightened to the point of being incontrollable.

 

Would you say you were acting? Did it feel like you were acting?

I would say that I allowed myself to feel such horrific emotions on an unlimited level that it was easy to adapt my personality to deal with the trauma I was enforced to accept. I became so enraged at my parents that it was easy to allow myself to play the role of the abused child, I became so depressed and desiring death that it was easy to play the role of the child that was loyal to Satan. Yes, I was acting however I feel that the exasperation of the emotions that I was forced to experience provided a strong platform for me to be able to express myself, particularly with a sympathetic therapist. If I allowed myself to play the role of the abused child during therapy my psychologist would hold me tenderly and caress my head and shoulders. If I did not play the role that was required, I received hostility and resentment. This definitely helped me to act the role that was required of me. Yes, it always felt like I was acting, and I consistently stated that I was acting a role to my therapist; this was always interpreted as denial which my therapist had certain ways in dealing with this (financially, it was beneficial to play the role as quickly as possible and my therapist’s time management issues also had a deep effect).

 

If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

I honestly would not have listened. There were many educated people around me at that time attempting to open my eyes to what was happening to me. Close family members and friends had tried to explain how false memories could be implanted by incompetent therapists, and that I had no basis or evidence for any of the things that I was being convinced of, yet I remained loyal to my psychologist. I was in such a vulnerable state of mind at that time and my psychologist offered me a future where I was valued and possessed a type of rare gift that no other human around me could compare to. Having Dissociative Identity Disorder gave me a sense of privilege that I had never had before and I wore that status like a badge of honour. Often during the sessions I would be riddled with guilt at knowing that I was going along with the whole process and that all of it was false, but also knowing that I could not stop or cease to play along with all of the roles as the financial investment had been so incredibly high and the emotional impact I had created in cutting off my family was so traumatic that going back was not even an option. Nothing I could have said to myself back then would have changed the intensity of the situation.

 

What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

It has taken almost four years to re-train myself to stop waiting for a personality to suddenly be revealed.  Once the relationship with my psychologist deteriorated, I started to realise that I did not have to act or play a role for anyone, including those people who continued to believe that I had DID. Fear kept me believing that I had these personalities: my therapist was persistent in reassuring me that I would need to have all of my personalities integrated to be free, to be normal, to live as a functional human being. For years I was terrified that there might have been some deeply traumatised child alters trapped in memories and that I would always be a dysfunctional woman with the possibility of an alter suddenly creating chaos at any random moment if these alters decided to appear. Self analysis of my own behaviours and thoughts was the catalyst in helping me find that certainty that I had never had any personalities. I became friends with a new social circle of educated people who could explain in detail the processes that I had become entrapped in with my therapist and since then, I have no fear. I never genuinely believed I had personalities nor did I suddenly stop believing. The fear that I could be mentally unwell and that there was a possibility that my psychologist was correct kept me from simply admitting the truth.

 

Are multiple personalities real?

I have witnessed other women and men who are diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder and observed the “switching” of their personalities. I have also talked to their different personalities and there is no evidence that they are experiencing anything different from what I have personally experienced. Knowing how easy it is to find the right evidence and convince someone that they do have alters I would find it impossible to believe that it is real. As a deeply creative person, I sketched and scribbled in different handwriting on purpose, changed my appearance and interests on purpose and sketched my different alleged personalities with the sole purpose of trying to convince myself that what my psychologist was encouraging was real. It was never real, not for a moment. I do not believe multiple personalities are real, particularly after spending five years enacting them out and supporting their fake identities with creative approaches. The men and women I have seen with this type of disorder generally have been exposed to the same type of therapy with similar social networks who are sympathetic to the belief that multiple personalities are real. I have never seen any evidence that a person can have one identity that does not know the other identities within their being and have experienced this firsthand. During my five years of therapy I was constantly aware of myself, my feelings, values and beliefs as well as my surroundings and could never realistically agree with having personalities that I had no knowledge of, take control of my body and engage in activities that I could not recall later. This entire ideology was suggested to me by my therapist and supported with stories and theory that my therapist shared in weekly sessions to perpetuate the belief that this is indeed scientifically possible.

 


 

A note from the blogger, Orphia Nay

Why didn’t I include answers from anyone who currently believes multiple personalities are real?

It would be promoting a sense of false balance by including believers’ answers.  The science is not divided on the issue.

These people here have lived and breathed multiple personalities, and understood the reasons for and against alters to the depth of their beings, rationally concluding they are not real.  They have seen both sides of the argument to the fullest extent.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 4 of 5

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

Kim (a pseudonym), USA

 

 When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

I feel like I started to dissociate after I left a cult that I was in.  I just would stare off into the distance for long points of time, and I felt like I didn’t know who I was. This is actually a common phenomenon in cults and is caused by something called pseudo identities. Where the cult will separate your core identity from the person you are supposed to be in the cult. It’s how cults are able to make people do things they normally wouldn’t do. (example, the Manson crew killing 7 people, or Jim Jones cult drinking laced Kool Aid).  I guess that’s how dissociation started. When it got really bad  I entered a top notch dissociative unit in the US. I went there, because I was dissociating so much. They are the ones who created the Alters. I think what caused them was the same thing that caused the first one, it was like brainwashing. They convinced me and I didn’t easily believe it, that it was true. I told them multiple times, repeating it over and over again “Dissociative Identity Disorder does not exist and I do not have it”. But you have to understand that I was one mind, one measly patient, against dozens of professionals who claimed otherwise. And I was stuck on that unit for 5 weeks. Day in and day out I was fed the same stuff. And it wasn’t just the top notch psychiatrists, the residents, the nurses, the therapists and socials workers and art therapists and music therapists telling me this was a real disorder, there were thirty patients around me all playing the game and so at some point I broke down and in order to keep my sanity we took my denial and gave it it’s own Alter. I called it the denial alter, the one who never believed, it lived in order for me to escape this horrible abuse whenever I needed to. And when I did that, there was no escaping, anytime I thought “this just isn’t true”. I would follow it up with “says the denial alter”. I felt like that denial alter was my one and only identity, and when I put it aside like that I opened my mind up to be fractured.

 

 How many alters did you have?

16

 

 

 I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

I did and I didn’t. I’m not sure that I can explain this well.  I was probably suffering from PTSD, from the cult and from the dissociative unit, and from all the horrible memories bombarding my head constantly and the fact that I had been in so many psychiatric wards, had been put in so many seclusion rooms, tied to so many beds, given so many chemical restraints, etc. I dissociated a lot.  My memory was like swiss cheese constantly.  My memory may have also had issues, because of all the medications they were pumping into my system. I never, not ever lost “days at a time”. They were aware that I didn’t. I didn’t go to bed and wake up in the grocery store. There were times I would get on the highway and come to 4 miles down the road, having missed my exit. There have always been questions about whether I have temporal lobe seizures, but EEGs won’t confirm them. I stay on anti seizure medications and I don’t have them. So we think it’s pretty clear what’s happening. But these instances were always used against me to prove that I did in fact have DID.

 

Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

My friends and family really didn’t know that I had DID. I was pretty embarrassed about the diagnosis, so I kept it to myself.

 

 

 Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

This is tough for me to answer now looking back. In many ways they would ask me to play the part. I would start to dissociate per usual which often led to them asking questions like “who am I talking to”? It was hard because I was sitting there trying not to dissociate and at the same time trying to delay the questionings being fired at me to which I had no answer to give them. Which at the time I didn’t know it, but by delaying my answering, it made it worse. By delaying my answering I would be fired at more, with more questioning “Who are you?” “Can you tell me your name?” “Why are you here?” “Were you sent to help Kim?”

It sounds like something out of a cheesy horror film about aliens.  It becomes terrifying to hear those lines of questioning. I would never give my therapist(s) names of my alters. I never felt like I was being honest if I did that. If what they said was true then they would have to hand me the names themselves from another alter they claimed existed, that told them, because I wasn’t making them up.

Like I said previously I felt that I had set my own identity aside when I made the denial alter up. I think it’s possible to fracture your mind, just not have multiple personalities. Not entire personalities. I think brainwashing can do this. I think hypnosis can do this.  It’s a total lack of identity and will create the worst insanity imaginable, you are at the Mercy of your doctors and therapists and they keep feeding you lies.

 

 

 If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

Doctors aren’t always right. Even doctors with prestige.

 

 

 What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

I found it as truth for myself. I had to look inside myself and really understand that none of this could be true and then stop listening to doctors. I came to realize that I knew myself better than they did, even if they claimed otherwise.
 

Are multiple personalities real?

No.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 3 of 5

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

Sonja Karels, Netherlands

 

 

 When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

 

My GP started to treat me [for a nervous breakdown], but after a while he referred me to a Christian psychologist. A young man, just from school and we just couldn’t stand each other. He was trying to put all the blame on my parents and I insisted I needed to get my own life in order, without blaming others. Back then he already believed my father did abuse me. (I found that out during an intake in a Christian center for abused women). We had a fight on the phone and I left.

 

Years later, I was married, with 2 small children I became depressed and anxious again, I also suffered from anorexia nervosa again… and I went to a conference to ‘receive’ healing from God. I really wanted to get better, to serve God better. And then I saw this psychologist and I thought I had to apologize to him, because otherwise God could not bless me (I don’t believe that anymore, but back then I was theologically challenged and superstitious).

 

I apologized and he accepted my apologies and followed me everyday during that conference. After every meeting he wanted to pray with me, to ask God what was wrong with me. I felt cared for and loved and special. It was a very special treatment. And then on the 5th day I heard myself talk with a small childish voice and tell him that daddy did something when I was 3 months.

 

He should have said, “No, you can not possibly remember that”, but he was happy, finally the truth showed up. I was confused. Is that really true. He said,  “Did you make it up?” No, it just happened I had no control.

He said “We prayed, and God does not give stones when you ask for bread.” So I felt I had to believe it.

 

He told me he could help me and I started therapy with him. Twice a week, 3 hours per session; I had to pay for it myself. After a few weeks I couldn’t remember anything that happened in therapy. We taped the sessions and I had to listen to them during the week and write them down, word by word. DID was never mentioned; I found out months later what my diagnosis was. I was unaware of alters and lost a lot of time.

 

 

 How many alters did you have?

 

At first 25, but they kept coming. The 25 remained, they were the strongest. But later we ‘discovered’ circles within circles and there would be 7×7 circles of witches behind every strong alter and a lot of others. The end count was more than 1000. But 42-45 with names.

 

 I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

 

Yes, a lot. Sometimes even for weeks and once 3 months. But most of the time it was just a few minutes or an hour. One cause is medication. I was heavily medicated. The other is – I think – stress and preoccupation with the false memories, like daydreaming about bad stuff. Sometimes I couldn’t remember being to the therapist. I would ‘wake’ up in my car not knowing if I’d been to therapy.  The 3 months, I’m not sure I really lost 3 months. It felt like that, is it summer already? Yesterday it was February. I have no explanation for that.

 

 

 Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

 

Yes, they did. My husband would recognize the alters and speak with them. Some friends did too. My children could call forward the ‘fun’ alters and embarrass me. I remember rolling over the floor in church with a bunch of children. Something I would never do. But they called a boy alter. I have been told I looked different, spoke differently, wore different clothes.

 

 

 Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

 

No, I wasn’t acting. I wish I was, because then I could have stopped doing it. I’ve been confused by all of this for 9 years. Sometimes it did feel like acting, especially in therapy. Like I was a puppet on a string, acting, but involuntary.

 

 

 If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

 

It is not true, you are not abused. Stop believing that nonsense. Make a list, make a timeline. (And if I just could say one word, it would be TIMELINE).

 

 

 What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

 

In 2002 I was fed up with all the medication and I decided to taper off. The psychiatrist warned me against it, but I wanted to have a clear head. It took me one year. I had help from an online group. It was a long and slow process, but after 9 months I felt better. During that time I didn’t have therapy and I broke off all contact with other ‘survivors’.  Suddenly I realized I didn’t lose time, I didn’t hear alters talking, something had changed. I told my husband to call me by my real name and nothing else. Doesn’t matter if he thought he saw an alter, just my real name. It was a miracle and I loved it. But then I got depressed again and I remembered reading about integration that you need to get help to live as an integrated person. So I found another therapist. During the intake, 15 minutes in, he had a very angry alter talking and that brought me back in the multiple world.

 

I started doubting again, couldn’t sleep, refused to take sleeping pills. Then I decided to make a list. A timeline. Stuff I knew that happened. First time to school at age 4; Little brother at age 5; Graduation at age 18. And another list with the new found memories. First baby at age 13; first rape at 3 months, etc. And full term twins born at age 18.

 

And then it hit me… graduation and full term twins? During that year I became a Christian and made a lot new friends, we would sport together, go to the beach together, have fun. We were also serious together, We did Bible study and talked a lot. Those people were between the ages 15-25. And no one saw my pregnancy? So that memory couldn’t be true, but that was one of the most painful memories. I had more pain than delivering my 2 real children (without drugs). And if that wasn’t true, how could the rest be true? And once I realized everything was false, I stopped believing I had multiple personalities. They told the stories, the stories weren’t true, so they weren’t true either. It was one big deceiving fictional mess.

 

 

 Are multiple personalities real?

 

No! I’ve met too many people like myself. They claim to be multiple, they believe they are multiple, but when they are honest they all say they have doubts. I believe it is learned behavior. You act different and the therapist asks what your name is. You learn quickly to just give a name. And then you have an alter. This sounds like making up a name, but it doesn’t work that way. At least not with me. When the therapist asked a name, some name popped up in my head and that had to be it.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 2 of 5

Mark Miller
Mark Miller

Roma Hart, Canada

 

 When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

October 1986 at the end of my first appointment with Dr. Colin Ross. I had gone to a university student guidance counsellor Lynn Ryan to get a form fill out for an extension to my unemployment insurance at the suggestion of my friend, but the form required a doctor and this guidance counsellor, who was also a student of Dr.Colin Ross, was sure that he would fill out the form for me. Although the unemployment was based upon a foot injury it just seemed easier to get an extension based on stress, I was certainly under stress, and when the student counsellor asked me what I did when I was under stress and I answered “I just switch to auto pilot” she immediately diagnosed that as another personality and became excited at the possibility of working with her idol and professor Colin Ross who held claim to being the only MPD expert in Western Canada at that time. I just needed the form filled out, I didn’t believe in multiple personality disorder and had read in a Psychology Today magazine several years earlier that it was junk science, no such thing existed. Nevertheless there Lynn and I were a few days later, in Ross’ office in the St. Boniface Hospital psych. building. At the end of the first appointment Ross asked me if he could speak to one of my personalities and I felt pressured to produce one for him. The student counsellor was sitting right beside me and I knew that I had a tendency to cry very easily when I has PMS, and that when I had PMS I hated being touched because my skin felt like it was on fire, an estrogen overload kind of effect. Well I just happened to have pretty bad PMS that day so I told the counsellor to touch me and I would switch to another personality. She did, worse than just a touch she started rubbing my back and I could not help myself from cringing and crying to get the hell away from her because she wouldn’t stop rubbing my back. Dr.Colin Ross was very pleased indeed for the apparent personality switch and I just nodded yes to every question he asked, I just wanted to get out of his office as soon as possible. I was terrified of going to a psychiatrist’s office and terrified of drugs but the student counsellor had assured me before going to that appointment that MPD was the only diagnosis that never required hospitalization and never required drugs, so I believed that if I were to get out of Ross’ office then I needed that diagnosis and no other. Furthermore I needed that damn form filled out because I needed the money, I had no intention of ever coming back for another appointment.  Well Ross filled out the form and shook my hand welcoming me to MPD therapy at the end of that first appointment.
 

How many alters did you have? 

I had 48 alter personalities, Ross said I had more but I was too bored to look for more and the MPD therapy was making me very sick.
 

I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

My so-called blackouts were nothing more than ordinary moments of distraction and day dreaming, for example missing my stop on the bus because I was looking out the window thinking about something. My periods of memory loss were nothing more than normal forgetting because something happened a long time ago. However, all supposed blackouts and supposed memory loss were rewarded by Ross and the other MPD support group members, it supported the cult like environment of the believers in MPD.

 

 Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

Not my family, but I had one friend who wanted to be included in my MPD treatment program and seemed to love the drama.

 

 Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

In the very beginning I felt like an actor, but by the second appointment I was completely sucked into the game. By the third appointment Ross had me convinced I was not only sexually abused by my whole family throughout my entire childhood but was also part of a murderous satanic cult. By the fourth visit he had me believe that I had an alien baby. The following month I attempted suicide. The following month, after standing in the hallway by the nurses station in the St. Boniface Hospital psych. building and yelling that “ it was all a lie and that nothing was true”, Dr. Colin Ross had me committed, forcibly injected with high levels of drugs, put in a seclusion room , and had one of his nurses sit beside me on the floor saying to me over and over again that it was all true. Well I never did that again, learned my lesson.
 

If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

At the first step toward the St. Boniface Hospital I would have screamed at myself to stop and run in the opposite direction as fast and as far as I could. When I had decided to just go to Ross’ office and pretend I had MPD to get the form filled out I thought that nothing could go wrong, I wasn’t crazy, all I had to do was sit there and talk to him for an hour, no harm could ever come from that, in a few weeks I could just go back to work. Boy was I wrong! What would I say to myself back then? Lots could go wrong! So much could go very wrong very quickly, oh my goodness turn around and never go in there and never ever speak to or listen to Dr. Colin Ross or his whacko student ever again!!

 

 What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

I would watch the television show Sesame Street as a way to be kind to my child personality. There was one episode where Kermit the Frog and Grover were demonstrating emotions. Kermit would say this is what sad looks like, this is what angry looks like, this is what happy looks like, and then Grover would demonstrate what that feeling made him look like. Well, Hell! It was a light bulb moment for me. I remembered that before I met Ross I never had to switch personalities when I felt different emotions. Grover didn’t have to say he was a different name or a different person just because he was feeling a different emotion, he was still Grover all the time! That’s what I was like before MPD therapy! Geeeez! I was sick of MPD therapy and I was so sick of Ross not listening to me and always telling me to switch personalities. Then I remembered something I had learned as a student when I was in the university Faculty of Education, it was about “unlearning”. So I decided that if I had learned how to be MPD then I could unlearn it too. So that’s what I did, I unlearned it by stopping it.

 

 Are multiple personalities real?

They’re only real if you believe in them. But they’re caused by bad therapy and bad therapists using junk science for personal investments of one kind or another. If you can manage to get away from those cult like influences and dust off your critical thinking skills then you’ll see that MPD is not a real thing and the personalities are not real thing either.

 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 

Are Multiple Personalities Real? Part 1 of 5

I asked 5 people who have had MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) / DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) a series of questions about having multiple personalities.  Here are their answers.

Orphia Nay
Orphia Nay

 

Jeanette Bartha, USA

 

When did you start exhibiting alternate personalities (alters), and what do you think caused them?

I started to exhibit alters about 3-4 weeks after beginning treatment with an MPD expert. What caused them was having 100% insurance coverage, being sequestered on the ward, not seeing friends or family, a poor diet, no exercise, high doses of narcotics and a delusional doctor.

 

I’ve heard people with “MPD/DID” say they have blackouts or periods of memory loss when being different alters. Did you?  If so, can you explain the cause of the blackouts?

No blackouts unless you count being given too many narcotics.

 

Did your friends and family believe you had different personalities?  If so, why do you think they believed you?

They never knew about the details of my treatment.

 

Would you say you were acting?  Did it feel like acting?

No, I wouldn’t say I was acting. I was living up to his expectations and believed the alters were real – after a while and many truth serum interviews. I was assured by the doctor that I was not acting, lying, or mis-remembering.

 

If you could say one thing to yourself at that time, what would it be?

Run! You’re much worse than you were at admission. Get out of here.

 

What made you stop believing you had multiple personalities?

It was an ah-ha moment. I had been jogging and my head cleared.

 

Are multiple personalities real?

Only in the minds of some psychiatrists and film-makers.

 

 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5  

The Disasterous Public Parade Of Fraudulent “Survivors”

shame_on_you_copy

Supposed sex-slavery survivor resigns from her own foundation after her fraudulent life history-victim narrative is exposed:

“Somaly Mam, the world-famous Cambodian campaigner against sex trafficking, one of Time’s 100 Most Influential People in the World, has stepped down from her eponymous foundation in the wake of charges that she fabricated her harrowing autobiography of having been sold into sex slavery as a child. According to an exposé in Newsweek, Mam had a normal childhood and adolescence and is remembered by neighbors as “a happy, pretty girl with pigtails.” Not only did Mam apparently invent her past, she allegedly coached others in her organization, AFESIP, to tell similarly lurid false tales. Long Pross, who has just stepped down as a spokeswoman for the Somaly Mam Foundation, claimed a pimp gouged out her eye; actually, her eye was removed in surgery for a tumor when she was 13. She was never in a brothel. Meas Rotha says Mam auditioned girls for public appearances and told her she had to lie to help other women”. (Katha Pollit, The Nation, June 4, 2014) – sex trafficking, lies and scandal

DISASTER!

It was 1985, and I was watching the amusing spectacle of fraudulent evangelical ex-satanist testimonialists -  who had escaped from the pages of Jack Chick tracts or the auditoriums of Pentacostal Churches and were making colossal fools of themselves parading their ignorance and fantasies on mainstream network television.  There was the “ex-satanist” who never was a satanist – Christian comedian Mike Warnke – blatantly making up “the secret meaning” of various occult paraphanalia, (“oh yes, the RED robes…these would be for your SEXUAL workings…”),  for example.

Less funny, were the equally uninformed and deluded police officers on this 20/20 program; Sandy Gallant and Dale Griffiths. Their ignorance of the subject matter was somewhat disturbing, considering their power over the lives of others as law enforcement agents. But not really surprising, considering that their “expert” sources were; fraudulent “former satanic cultists” whose expertise consisted of nothing more than medieval folklore, pop culture storylines and urban legends - such as Mike Warnke and Joan Christiansen, religious bigots peddling satanic conspiracy theories - such as Bob Larson, Tony Alamo and John Todd, and teenage dabblers making up a Heavy Metal fandom “satanism” out of their own imaginations.

Then there were these little children on the program, apparently stating they had been forced into participation in human sacrifice rituals with infant victims. (There were passing references to sexual abuse victimization as well, but the children were not shown making such allegations themselves). It was obvious that these kids were relating fantasies, but it was also clear that the children had not made up these stories themselves, that they were not the real ‘authors’ of these fantasies. This was demonstrated when a five-point “satanic crime indicators” list was repeatedly referred to later in the program.  Adults in the program including the host, police detective Sandy Gallant and the children’s relatives/caregivers repeatedly blamed the children for the falsehoods enumerated in this indicators list, claiming “this is what the children have been telling us”.  Some people however, such as Neo-pagan anti-defamation activists who had been monitoring the Fundamentalist-Evangelical “anti-occult” war on popular culture, would recognise this satanic crime indicators list as a compilation of urban legends that had been created and circulated by adult members of Fundamentalist-Evangelical organizations long before any child was alleged to have “disclosed” it. Here it is;

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Abu Hamza Trial Begins – Al Qaeda Operatives Used SRA Lies To Incite Hatred

“The federal trial of Abu Hamza al-Masri, a radical Islamic cleric accused of conspiring to kidnap Americans in Yemen and planning to establish a jihad training camp in rural Oregon, began in New York with opening statements on Thursday”.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/17/justice/new-york-terror-trial/index.html?hpt=ju_c2

Abu Hamza’s right-hand man, bodyguard and fellow propagandist of hatred & violence was a man named Abu Abdullah, aka Attila Ahmet.
For many years, on a daily basis, Abu Abdullah preached hatred of America and Americans, as well as hatred of all non-muslims everywhere on the planet. Abdullah openly advocated violence and encouraged Muslims in his audience to commit atrocities, calling such acts a “religious duty”. He was convicted in the UK on three counts of inciting/soliciting murder.

There are several videos which captured Abu Abdullah inciting hatred and violence in public, but I’m particularly interested in a video by Davebones titled “Preachers of hate”. In the first three minutes of the video, you get to see and hear Abu Abdullah using the Satanic Ritual Abuse related lie about “occult groups” sacrificing little children at Bohemian Grove, to incite hatred and murderous violence amongst his followers…

Get the full story here:

http://www.dysgenics.com/2012/10/07/lies-can-kill/

Satanic Ritual Abuse claimants falsely claiming to have participated in child sacrifice at Bohemian Grove include convicted child molestor Paul Bonacci and apologist for convicted child abusers David Shurter.

RICHARD NOLL DESERVES OUR RESPECT AND OUR THANKS!

Richard Noll PhD, a clinical psychologist, is Associate Professor of psychology at DeSales University. He is best known for his research and scholarship in anthropology and the history of medicine and psychiatry on topics such as shamanism, spirit possession, mental imagery and visions, vampirism, Carl Gustav Jung, and dementia praecox/schizophrenia”. – DeSales faculty directory

Quest for a ‘holy grail’ -

I was working on an essay about psychiatrists and psychologists who, during the Satanic Panic years, apparently invested a lot of time & energy playing amatuer forensic detective – formulating their own theories about hypothetical satanic ritual abuse & mind control cults and how such cults might operate, then covertly soliciting statements that could be taken as validation for one or another aspect of their theories, from their patients, under the guise of collecting “life history”, or ordinary talk therapy sessions. I was googling various combinations of “psychiatrist”, “satanic cult”, “ritual abuse” and “roleplay detective”.

And there it was…the title of an article, seemingly promising something I had fervently longed for over several decades, but never believed would actually be written in my lifetime: “When Psychiatry Battled The Devil”, by Richard Noll, Ph.D ! But could/would this article really be what I wanted & needed it to be – an insider’s accounting of the history of satanic panic within the psychiatric profession? The link was to historypsychiatry.com, a blog about the history of psychiatry – excellent! Clicked on it and read the summary; “Psychologist Richard Noll has just published an article in Psychiatric Times on the Satanic ritual abuse panic of the 1980s” – BINGO! and then; “Noll chronicles how major figures in American psychiatry and clinical psychology played a role in what today is acknowledged to have been a moral panic that damaged the reputations and led to the imprisonment of a number of innocent individuals”. Fantastic! Written by a Psychologist who was literally “in the midst of things” as they went down, and published in Psychiatric Times, even. Perfect! 

So I clicked the link to Noll’s article on Psychiatric Times, and…got nothing. Noll’s article wasn’t on the Psychiatric Times site, nor was it to be found on any other site, as my frantic googling revealed. It was gone, perhaps locked behind a ‘subscribers only’ wall on the Psych Times site, and I would never get to read it. Glimpsed one of my holy grails, only to have it vanish out of my grasp. Aargh!

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Children Murdered, Molested, Raped by Ritual Abuse Advocates & Satanic Cult Conspiracy Theorists

**UPDATED: April 27**

**UPDATED: with corrections & additions May 6**

Many satanic cult conspiracy theorists, and also advocates for self-professed Ritual Abuse survivors, are Ritual Abuse cult mythology True Believers. “True Believers” in Satanic Ritual Abuse cults and in Ritual Abuse cults practicing other “deviant” religious traditions , believe and allege that secret Ritual Abuse cults have been committing horrific crimes against children throughout our society for generations or perhaps for millenia, without being exposed, apprehended or brought to justice. True Believers profess to accept, absolutely and uncritically, the life history and victimization narratives of self-professed Ritual Abuse survivors.

For True Believers, those narratives in and of themselves are proof that the alleged Satanic Ritual Abuse cult existed, that the accused abusers belonged to it and performed all alleged criminal acts in service to it, and that the survivor claimant did suffer all alleged acts of violence, abuse, degradation, torture, etc. at the hands of it’s members . No corroborating evidence of any kind is needed, says the True Believer, and no contradictory evidence can ever disprove the allegations in a Ritual Abuse survivor’s narrative. The True Believer therefore feels fully justified, in publicly trumpeting the Ritual Abuse survivor’s accusations verbatim and calling the accused persons pedophiles, child rapists, child sacrifice murders, or whatever, over & over again. The True Believer would still feel justified, even if there had been a trial during which the accusations were conclusively proven to be false and the judge ended up declaring: “Not only do I find you not guilty of these charges, I declare you to be totally innocent of them!”  The True Believer would just declare that the judge belonged to the same secret Satanic Abuse Cult as the accused, and redouble publicly repeating the survivor’s accusations as though they were proven fact!

Many Ritual Abuse advocates, satanic cult conspiracy theorists and professed Ritual Abuse survivors have a lengthy history of publicly proclaiming unsubstantiated, unverifiable or blatantly false accusations that some person they have named is pro-pedophile and somehow a protector and facilitator of pedophiles. Or they will just accuse the person of being a pedophile themselves, or a child sex abuser, or even a secret satanic abuse cult perpetrator of child rape & sacrificial murder. Frequently, such persons will take up and publicly repeat each other’s slanderous statements as well.  They will claim to be, and portray themselves as being, an outraged defender and protector of children speaking out on behalf of an abused child, or on behalf of the abused child some adult person once was, and certainly on behalf of all sexual abuse victims everywhere.

Ritual Abuse advocates, satanic cult conspiracy theorists and professed Ritual Abuse survivors are often blatantly hypocritical, however, about what they are expressing outrage over. For example…

Ralph Underwager was an American psychologist who founded and directed The Institute for Psychological Therapies, through which he and his wife Hollida Walkefield administered relapse prevention therapies to convicted child sex abusers.  Underwager also founded the Victims Of Child Abuse Laws (VOCAL) lobby group and provided expert testimony for parents who had been falsely accused of abusing their child.  Ritual Abuse advocates and conspiracy theorists have expressed outrage that anyone would create a lobby group for parents accused of abusing their child – “if they were accused of abuse they must be guilty of abuse, otherwise the child would have to be lying and how dare you accuse an innocent child of lying about being abused - and surely only a pedophile would take the side of an adult abuser over an abused child, that Underwager must be a pedophile!” “And he was a defense expert witness, for people accused of sexually abusing children, doing everything he could to discredit abused children and let their abusers go free unpunished! What a monster!”  This sort of ranting.

Some of the very same Ritual Abuse advocates, satanic conspiracy theorists and self-professed Ritual Abuse survivors who expressed such outrage at Underwager, have heaped praise on former Nebraska Senator John DeCamp as a heroic defender of abused children, because he published a conspiracy theory account of the Franklin child prostitution investigation bristling with inferences that “people with wealth, power, and authority” are sick & twisted child rapists. But while he was a Nebraska state senator, John Decamp and his wife were accused of sexually abusing their little girl. ["The Franklin Cover-up", pg. 63-65]  Doesn’t that make DeCamp, by their own logic, guilty of being a child abusing pedophile? Actually, the idea that – for a parent to be innocent of abuse, the child must be a liar – is based on a false assumption. The accusation against the parent might not have come from their child, at all. As in the case of Senator and Mrs. DeCamp, the accuser could be another adult and not a member of their family, and that accusation could be - and was - declared to be false without making their daughter who never did accuse them, a liar.  No doubt, a very similar scenario to what Ralph Underwager would have come across many times with members of his VOCAL.

There’s another problem, however.  John DeCamp was also a lawyer for an organization very similar to Underwager’s VOCAL, called the National Child Abuse Defense and Resource Center: “…which fights against false accusations of child abuse, and is made up of adults who have been falsely accused of child abuse”. ["The Franklin Cover-up", pg. xxiii]  John DeCamp defended people accused of sexually abusing a child, and as he himself described it, not only did he get accused abusers found innocent and set free, his role was often to interrogate the child accusers until they broke down and confessed to having lied!

Ritual Abuse advocates, satanic cult conspiracy theorists and satanic panic promoters who profess to be the outraged spokespeople for abused children, delight in disparaging Underwager. Some have even called him a pedophile, but there is no evidence that Ralph Underwager ever harmed any child in any way. On the other hand, Ritual Abuse advocates, satanic cult conspiracy theorists, self-professed Ritual Abuse survivors and other satanic panic promoters have confessed to & been convicted of all manner of crimes against children;  molestation, sexual assault, child pornography, rape, and even murder.

burning in hell
burning in hell

JOHN TODD – aka John Todd Collins aka Lance Collins, was an evangelical testimonialist who popularized Illuminati and satanic cult conspiracy theories throughout America in the 1970′s and 1980′s.  In 1987 has was charged with raping a young woman and molesting two children.  Convicted in 1988, sentenced to 30 years. Died in prison in 2007. Despite being a child molestor and rapist, Todd is called a hero & martyr by Satanic Ritual Abuse & Mind Control conspiracy theorists who slander Underwager as “pro-pedophile”.

http://swallowingthecamel.wordpress.com/2011/04/01/the-prodigal-witch-part-iii-john-todd-2/

You can protect your kids from imaginary satanic cults...but not from me!
You can protect your kids from imaginary satanic cults…but not from me!

 TONY ALAMO – born Bernie Lazar Hoffman, was an American evangelical and founder of Tony Alamo Christian Ministries. He was a prolific anti-occult, anti-catholic, anti-gay promoter of satanic panic in the 1970′s and ’80′s.  Alamo was arrested in 2008 as part of a child-porn investigation and subsequently charged with transporting minors across state lines for sex.

“One girl told the FBI that Alamo repeatedly fondled her when she was 8, then “married” her in May 2000 when she was 9. She was still 9 when he took lewd photos of her and had intercourse with her, she said. He watched adult porn films with her in his bedroom, she added. A second girl said she was 12 when Alamo had intercourse with her. When she was 14, Alamo took her to California, where he had sex with her in motel rooms and at his California compound, she said. An informant told the FBI that she saw Alamo sometimes take more than one girl at a time to his bedroom, where he kept candy bars and a Barbie doll collection.” – SPLC,  July 24, 2009.

Tony Alamo was convicted on 10 counts of transporting underage girls across state lines for sex, in 2009, and sentenced to 175 years in prison.

It wasn't me, it was my gay-pedophile alter! Really!
It wasn’t me, it was my gay-pedophile alter! Really!

PAUL BONACCI – convicted at age 21 of molesting a 9 year old boy on three occaisions, Bonacci had a novel albeit offensive rationalization. He claimed that he had Multiple Personality Disorder, and that one of his alters was gay and therefore a child molestor! When the gay guy inside him took over, he would make Paul molest little boys, he said. Bonacci was diagnosed as MPD by the prison psychiatrist, after Bonacci related a pathetic life history of chronic negligence and abuse by older boys and men. Subsequently, Bonacci would relate ever more elaborate tales of victimization in child porn, prostitution and satanic abuse rings, to various interviewers. He also confessed to involvement in kidnapping missing 12 year old Johnny Gosch from Des Moines when he himself was 15, and subsequently raping the boy repeatedly on a rural property just outside the city limits. Bonacci was also interviewed by Dr Judianne Densen-Gerber, a self-professed expert on Ritual Abuse and MPD, while still in prison. She declared him a genuine MPD with “an extraordinary memory for detail”, which is interesting considering that episodic amnesia and problematic memory recall is supposed to be a necessary symptom of MPD.

Meeting with Paul, I have spoken to several of his personalities. Three psychiatrists who have examined him concurred in the diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorder, brought on by horrible, traumatic abuse when he was a child. My first act with respect to representing Paul Bonacci was to have him write down everything he could remember, about individuals who had abused him, from his earliest boyhood. An excerpt from what he wrote appears in Chapter 10. In that document and in Paul’s letters, his handwriting will vary, depending on which personality is in control.

Bonacci was sentenced to five years in prison in 1989, for molesting a young boy for whom he was baby-sitting. Apparently one of Paul’s homosexual personalities was in control of him during the incident, in which he briefly put his hand on the outside of the young boy’s pants, an activity stopped when a remorse-stricken Paul reasserted control” – The Franklin Cover-Up

Despite being a convicted child molestor and confessing to participation in kidnapping & rape of a younger boy, Bonacci is called a hero & martyr by Satanic Ritual Abuse & Mind Control conspiracy theorists.

I'm an expert on abusing children...I mean on child abuse!
I’m an expert on abusing children…I mean on child abuse!

REVEREND JAMES BEVEL -  James Bevel was a civil rights hero, but his train starting running off the tracks after he became involved with Lyndon Larouche.  Judianne Densen-Gerber was friends with Mrs Larouche and involved in Larouche’s Schiller Institute. Not long after Densen-Gerber left Omaha, James Bevel arrived to lead the “Citizens Fact-Finding Commission to Investigate Human Rights Violations of Children in Nebraska”, on behalf of the Schiller Institute, and as an advocate for imprisoned Paul Bonacci. The group distributed petitions seeking to reopen the Franklin Child Prostitution Investigation, but Bevel never submitted the petitions to the Legislature and left the state the following year.

“In May 2007, Bevel was arrested in Alabama on charges of incest committed sometime between October 1992 and October 1994 in Virginia. The accuser, one of his daughters, was 13–15 years old at the time, and lived with him in the Leesburg apartment. Three of his other daughters have also alleged that Bevel sexually abused them, although not with intercourse. Charged with one-count of unlawful fornication in Virginia, which has no statute of limitations for incest. His four-day trial in April 2008 included “testimony about Bevel’s philosophies for eradicating lust, and parents’ duties to sexually orient their children”. During the trial, the accusing daughter testified that she was repeatedly molested beginning when she was six years old”.  – Wikipedia

Bevel was convicted and sentenced to 15 years.

JAMES and MARIE LAPPE – foster parents to 4 young children from the same birth family, the Lappe’s ran a therapeutic foster care home in Texas. Following a meeting of concerned parents, where Catherine Gould’s checklist of Satanic Ritual Abuse symptoms was handed out, the Lappe’s returned home full of satanic panic and proceeded to “diagnose” all of the children as SRA victims. They began subjecting the children to physical torments such as running up and down the stairs until they were past exhaustion, then demanding confessions of their parent’s involvement in the satanic cult and subjecting them to horrific abuse.  Little Bobby Vernon, aged 7, refused to affirm the Lappe’s fantasies. He would not falsely accuse his parents of hurting him. Determined to force “the truth” out of the boy, the Lapp’s slammed his head on the ground over & over until they broke his skull. He died later in hospital. [I could be wrong about this. I had been led to believe that Bobby Vernon eventually succumbed to the injuries which apparently left him in a permanent vegetative state. I'm unable to verify his passing, however] The Lappe’s were subsequently found dead in their home from overdoses of prescription medicine. [According to some reports,  James shot himself while Marie died of an overdose].

The Free Lance Star article, December 2, 1995, reporting that Bobby Vernon was left permanently vegatative, and the death of the Lappes, with background details:

http://tinyurl.com/kll4odr

Dr Bruce Perry’s version of these events, from his “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog” :

http://tinyurl.com/kqzljn3

Despite being murderous child abusers, Satanic Ritual Abuse & Mind Control conspiracy theorists claim they were actually assassinated by the fantasized satanic cult, and declare them to be heroic martyrs!

Oh yes!  Murderous child abusers, child molestors and rapists are heroes and martyrs to Satanic Ritual Abuse & Mind Control victim claimants and their advocates. That’s how little they really care about the wellbeing of children.

[I can't be certain at this time, that Bobby Vernon has in fact passed away as a result of the life-threateningly extreme abuse inflicted on him by the Lappes. Regretably, there are more cases of children murdered by witch-hunting SRA true believers and advocates. See below]

Continue to updates…

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Stupid “Satanic Abuse Cult” Theories – #1

coven

#1 in a series, analyzing stupid theories about mythical Satanic Ritual Abuse cults and how these theories relate to satanic panic.

Theories about mythical destructive Satanism and Satanic Ritual Abuse cults fall under several categories. Today’s stupid theory is about molding Satanic servants through child abuse, and is brought to us by the infamous quack therapist and SRA theorist  Dr. Catherine Gould.

Gould claimed: “The [alleged SRA victim] children are really being abused for purposes of indoctrination. The Ritual Abuse of children is at bottom an attempt to develop human resources for the [SRA] cult. Develop children who have had so much abuse and so much mind control that they will be maximally beneficial to the cult in a whole variety of areas”.

Gould is here postulating that secret Satanic cult members run or infiltrate day care centers, schools or other child care/ child services institutions, gaining access to and control over a pool of very young children. The cultists dress up like stereotypical Hollywood satanic cultists and involve the children in elaborate ceremonies involving worship of Satan, as a deity superior to & more powerful than Christ-Jehovah. During the course of these ceremonies the children would be subjected to all manner of sexual violations and assaults, would be forced to drink urine and eat feces, would be physically tortured in a variety of ways and would be psychologically tormented by being forced to murder pet-animals or another child – preferably a newborn infant. The ceremonies would be filmed and sold on the child pornography market.

Gould states that the ultimate purpose of all this calculated abuse and torment is: “to develop children…that will be maximally beneficial to the cult, in a variety of areas”. Gould’s concept - this theory that Satanic cultists could and would use horrendous physical, sexual and psychological tortures, inflicting severe physical pain and psychological trauma,  to “develop children” who would be “maximally beneficial” to the cult – is self-evidently ludicrous and STUPID.

Abusive mistreatment of children, intentionally inflicting suffering and trauma, cannot have any constructive impact on their development, it can only have a destructive impact. The consequences of the maltreatment Gould postulates the hypothetical small children suffering, would be very serious. Brain development would be stunted, emotional and intellectual development would be retarded, and physical development could very well impaired also.  The abused children would develop severe physical and psychological dysfunctions, as Gould herself describes elsewhere. Some of the alleged long-term consequences of Satanic Ritual Abuse, according to Gould and other self-professed experts on the subject;

- Panic attacks

- Uncontrollable crying

- Uncontrollable rage

- Eating disorders

- Suicidal thoughts and impulses

- Self-mutilation

- Somatic symptoms

- Intrusive thoughts

- Terror

- Flashbacks

- Addictive behaviour

- Over-reaction to minor stress

- Sleep disorders

- Extreme mood swings

- Attraction to high risk behaviours

- Impulsivity

- Confusion

- Random attacks of depersonalization or amnesia

These hypothical child victims would not be, and would not develop into, high functioning individuals. They would not function at an average level. If they were functional persons at all,  they would function at the lower ends of any assesment spectrum. They would experience serious impairments of various kinds and would probably require assistance just to carry out daily routine tasks.  How could these traits and challenges possibly make the children or the adults they will become, “maximally beneficial” to a Satanic cult? Gould states that the ultimate goal of the mythical SRA cult would be: to gain as much control over America (and other countries), as possible. And they are going to fulfill that goal with an army of severely impaired &  dysfunctional individuals? Gould theorizes that there are SRA cultists in every profession and throughout all governments and government agencies.  These severely traumatized SRA victims are going to be the cult’s doctors, psychiatrists, police cheifs, miltary commanders, corporate CEOs and laboratory scientists? Nonsense!

The SRA child victims, as Gould theorizes them, wouldn’t even make satisfactory sex slaves or slave labor – they would be constantly, uncontrollably, dissociatively “blanking out”, getting lost, making mistakes, failing to carry out orders, flying into random rages, getting violent when they are supposed to be passive, being withdrawn when they are supposed to be active & alert, etc, etc,. At best, they would be minimally beneficial to the cult, or to anyone else for that matter.

There would obviously be alternative methods for training genuinely high functioning & obedient cult members, methods that would be far less trouble and less risky to carry out. It’s just not conceivable that a secret Satanic cult - competent, powerful and efficient enough to evade all detection and apprehension –  would carry out the child abuse plots that Gould describes, with the motivations that she postulates. Her theory is preposterous and frankly…STUPID.